I tend to be fiercely private about my life in most settings. I have always been a bit unconventional in my personal life, and it was hard to be open about it. Just like it was hard to come out to my parents as queer, it was almost just as hard to tell them that I had a boyfriend AND a girlfriend that new about each other. If you ask anyone who has had to come out in one way or another, you will find that they have many stories about reactions. Most of the time people are accepting, if not a little curious. I find it actually rare that someone is outwardly aggressive towards me after finding out I am queer/poly/kinky but it does happen.
Coming Out Over and Over
Ask any LGBTQ person, and you will get the answer that coming out isn’t something that you do once and then it is over with. You end up coming out over and over again. To coworkers, to new friends, to old friends that you were afraid to tell. The same holds true with any other lifestyle choice that might be considered unconventional. If you want to be open about poly, you’re going to be repeating yourself often. You can’t just say ‘I had a great weekend with my boyfriends’ and not expect a follow up conversation.
People Are Excited About It
Only in recent months have I really started to be open about my lifestyle. I have to wonderful partners who make my life incredible. The two of them make me feel so loved and wanted and inspire me to be the best person I can be. So just like any other person in love, I don’t want to keep it secret. So I just tell people. I even told my coworkers and my boss. I was pleasantly surprised how many people were excited about the concept, and wanted to know more. So I have made it part of my mission to educate people, and be open about the ‘dirty’ details about how I navigate having multiple romantic partners.
Sometimes it can be hard to know where to start, when you know you are curious about non-monogamy. A lot of people lament past attempts at ‘poly’, saying that their boyfriend just got too jealous, or that it ended very poorly. Any relationship can end poorly, but there are some great resources aside from my blog to help the curious.
More Than Two is my absolute favorite poly resource. I recommend the book to ANYONE regardless to their status as poly or mono. The book goes in to the nitty gritty of how poly works, including how to manage your time when you have multiple partners. The relationship skills I learned from this book have been incredibly important in shaping who I am and helping me have successful and loving relationships. In fact, I love this book so much that I am listing it at the ONLY resource (for at least this blog post). I will be talking about other resources in other posts, and adding them to a resources page in the near future.